Haiti Updates

12 07 2011

I’ll be in Haiti with 30 others from HSM. I’m going to be using my blog to keep everyone updated on all that goes on while we are there. I hope you join us in prayer while we are on our journey.

Prayer Requests:
1. Pray for extreme transformation and growth in the lives of our students.
2. Pray for protection, health, and safety for our team.

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Envy

2 12 2010

This is from something I wrote months ago.  I was in a rough spot at the time…

Envy and jealousy are a part of me. They are something that I struggle with on a daily basis. I want to be noticed, included, recommended and invested in like everyone else I know.  Maybe I’m not the type of person that they want to talk to. Maybe I don’t have any thing to add to them. Maybe I am really worried about my self worth.

I think that is probably what it comes down to. That or pride. I think recognition is vital. When individuals are recognized, they feel like they are doing a good job. The weird thing is that even if the people I want recognition or approval from were to give me what I wanted, I think they would be pretty annoying to me. Why is it that I feel like I need to be recognized? Can I not find my worth in God? Why is that so difficult for me?

Humility and wisdom are the things that I desire, but sometimes I want the humility and wisdom because someone else has it and I want to be better than them. I’m a messed up individual that has some serious struggles. I don’t spend enough time with God talking about what we are doing together because I don’t include him in what I’m doing “for Him.” Disgusting.

God help me to focus on you more. Thanks for using me in the midst of my imperfections. I’m sorry I do these things, help me to be better. You are in control of my life, it is yours and I want to die to my sin daily. Give me wisdom and understanding because it is what we desire for me. Guide me as I try to stop comparing myself to others. I love you God and I’m thankful for where you have me right now. Thanks for what you are doing at this church and allowing me to be a part of it. Amen.